Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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