one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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