Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
my sisters under your porch take her home
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
