I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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