wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
