You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
