Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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