my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
