I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
As shirtless as possible
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
