oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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