the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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