So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm determined to sit on that face.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
