i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
