She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
