If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
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