i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
