We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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