all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Hippo gnu deer
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize