I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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