I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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