my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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