tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
