non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
