I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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