Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
