Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he fucked my hip out of place.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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