In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
