Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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