i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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