I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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