Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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