i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
