ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
