i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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