That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
