your parents love me but you hate me
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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