is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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