I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
