Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
