woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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