your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
