thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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