I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
