in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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