if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
