Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
