That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
