you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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