9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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