I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
