Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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