It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
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