Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
