I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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