i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think a kid would responsible me up
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
How does it feel to date your dad?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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