I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Everclear isn't food dammit
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
