in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
