she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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