He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I fill condoms, not promises.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize