im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
