I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
