Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
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