so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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