Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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