I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize