better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
