i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
