I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Who died my cat blue again?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
