I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
