Walk of Shame. In a state park.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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