my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
