i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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