filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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