Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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