That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
