Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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