There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
