This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
