so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
