I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
