Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
