She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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