I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
