Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
