Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
