i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
