Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
