JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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