I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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