so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize