I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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