you guys were way drunker than both of me
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
