happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
