Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm always down for nudity.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
