Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
They left me at home... I'm a liability
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
