Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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