So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize