Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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