I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
