You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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