im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
