My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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