if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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