that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize