By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
