"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
