I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
