I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
