I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
