hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
