What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
