good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
