theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize