if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
