Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
