i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
