Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
